The story of a bastard who did something stupid

There's this angst and pain. It's funny that it's there because I have no idea why it exists. I mean, shouldn't the one I have hurt feel the angst and the pain? No one did anything to me. I am the chilled out bastard who did something stupid and broke a heart. Yet I'm the one feeling the pain. Funny. Very funny.
Do you know of this acute pain in the heart that has no physical or biological reason? It just exists there like a knot that you can't digest and neither can you vomit. Very amusing this feeling is. You won't know what I'm talking about. After all you aren't a bastard who did something stupid, did you? So anyway just try and feel that knot I'm talking about and you'll understand what I mean. I mean if it would have been physical then the pain would recede a bit and then surge in a bit everyday from time to time. But this pain just stays constant. It's degree neither decreases nor increases. Very funny you know.
What's more amusing is that the pain is there all the time. In every waking moment of my oh-so-cool life I feel the pain. That's not so cool now, eh? And even though I find it funny why do I feel like crying, huh? I mean shouldn't I smile more at a funny thing? Shouldn't I laugh more if I'm amused? Feels like a paradox, doesn't it?