We discussed......

The clouds were hiding the evening sun. It seemed later than it actually was. A shadow cast through the door generated a cool reflective feeling. The cushion rested against my back. My mother lay on the divan.
I was amazed at how much I had grown up. I was struck at how responsible I felt. I was surprised how coolly I thought and expressed. We talked like we never had before. She didn't stop me once from speaking the way I did. She didn't have anything contrary to say to the way I felt about love, relationships and marriage. Of course she thought that the idea of not marrying ever was ridiculous but she didn't dwell upon it for long.
On the other hand I was so cool at expressing what I felt. Not for once did I fear what she or my dad would feel about the opinions I had on some important facets of life. Not for once did I hesitate to speak up. I just kept saying what I felt honestly. I heard what they had to say. We didn't argue for once. We did what I had asked for a long time. We discussed.

I looked at her.......

The heart beats fast....the nerves are taut....the smile never fades....hopes seem high....I FEEL I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!!
The first time I saw her I thought she was smart. The second time I looked she seemed cute. A third time she felt so beautiful. A fourth time I felt she was intelligent. And so it kept happening. The last time I saw her I knew she was mine.
I can't say much more now. I can't express any more for now. Things around seem indescribable. My heart, I know not why, is racing so fast. And all this after I looked at her.

Highs and Lows

I am slipping in and out of reality. O! I don’t want to drift away. I want to pay attention to whatever she’s telling. God! I don’t want her to understand. Oh is that what the British did to the nationalist newspapers during their Raj? That’s so atrocious. But what did they do? Never mind. I’m feeling happy. Oh! Being happy is such an awesome feeling. No tensions. No thoughts. Life’s absolutely perfect. I can face anything. Trust me. I can fight anything. Aha! I’ve heard about that paper. Amrita Bazar Patrika is familiar to me. Didn’t they give a huge advertisement of the founder of ABP a few days back in The Telegraph? But why did they give the advertisement? Was it his birth anniversary or his death anniversary? Should I ask her? Oh no! Not at all. She will understand. Gosh! Harsh is feeling it too. Ahuh!! But he must be habituated to feeling like this in the class. Yeah he’s smiling too like I’m. and look at Rahul. He’s got no work but to grin at me and my condition.

Oh! I got to write about this experience. Seriously I must. This is the first time I’ve done this in class. Man! It’s awesome! Cool! Oh! I’ve a question. How come the missionaries brought out a nationalist newspaper? But I shouldn’t ask her. Someone else should. God! She’s looking at me. God! She must have understood. Shit! O but she didn’t say anything. Eh! Neepa ask her this question. Silly girl! She says she won’t ask her the question. Why? ‘Cuz she doesn’t want to talk to her. How silly! But it’s okay. Some other time. Oh! Why isn’t the bell ringing? I want to sleep. I want to slip into nothingness. I want to rest. Totally. There goes the bell.

Chayan is pissed with me a li’l bit. He says he thought I was his brother. I’ve disappointed him. He thought we would do it together whenever we did it. But this time it was just me and not him. I’m so touched. I’m sorry brother! But I can’t explain to you how free I’m today than I was maybe two years ago. How confident I feel about every decision I take! I purposely inhaled from the roll Harsh made. It was my decision. I feel freer when I make these freaky decisions. Oh buddy if only I could explain this to you. But now I’m too happy to be emotional. But you’ll be my brother always re! We’ll roll together next time and have it together. Aha! This is the happiest moment of my life. My heart isn’t beating. Its dancing just like the waves at sea. So cool. So calm. So serene. That’s exactly what I’m feeling. Serene and content.