A disturbance. A promise.

I have been reading ‘The Kite Runner’ by Khaled Hosseini and I saw ‘MP3’(Mera Pehla Pehla Pyar) and this has caused a clash of emotions within me and a torrent of disturbing thoughts heaving in my heart.

The book is disturbing, ripping, disconcerting, distressing in more ways than one and while the film is such a happy romantic one, it still disturbs me. May be the film isn’t practical at all and the book is too practical. Practicality is something which I’ve always adored and lived up to but isn’t anyone allowed dreams come true like MP3?

I know you just don’t run from Delhi to Paris in order to acknowledge your love when you are only 18 but then why can’t we? Why don’t we do something crazy for the sake of love? Why do people scorn at us when we want to do something that’s out of the usual norm? Why does society have to question every step that we take in life? And when we don’t care for society our family dissuades us through emotional blackmail. And why so? ‘Cuz each individual in our families is insecure. They are afraid that may be one out-of-the-ordinary step will change life for something dangerous. But it’s a foolish fear. It’s only the fear of unknown alleys and untrodden paths. When it had been their chance to take a path less trodden they were either afraid to take the plunge or were dissuaded from doing so and today they do it to us. They try to dissuade us.

Why does everyone have to be so practical? Why can’t we just dream for once? Why can’t we dream of those unfulfilled fantasies that we might have wanted? Why do we only have to be practical for just that petty material gain? I understand we get to lead a more leisurely life with our filled wallets and huge bank balances but what satisfaction does one derive? Only the green or yellow colour that slips out of the wallet becomes the colour of our life. As if there exists no other colour.

For a while, for Amir , his own gains were the most important ambitions of his life until he came across the truth of Hassan while for Rohan, his dreams or the playful lack of it, his friends and his love were all the happiness that he could live with forever. Personally I want to be Rohan but unfortunately I see myself following the footsteps of Amir. But sooner rather than later things will change. I promise.

Lost 'n' Lonely

I’m lost in a crowd
I’ve nowhere to go
There’s no one to turn to
There’s no familiarity so

No heart beats for me
No feelings in my favour
No hands to hold me
No emotions to savour

I feel choked
I feel frettered
I am restrained
I am tethered

The terrain is not known to me
Unfriendly vibes strike my walk
I find not a caring touch
No soothing voice to talk

So much in me to give
Ways in which to love
But like a loner I look around
Yet unable to share my love.